Three Ways to Navigate the Post Election Climate

It’s a loud season in the United States. People sometimes act like shouting over others provides communication impact. We beg to differ. Here’s a short chapter from our book Wisdom for Effective Communication: The Little Book of Big Ideas that helps you navigate this bumpy terrain.
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Use Kind Words

Wisdom for Effective Communication

By Chuck Finney with Jan Shober

Saying sweet nothings. Buttering up. Flattery. Is this affirmation? Well, at my firm, and in my personal life, I say no.

Dictionary.com defines affirmation as: confirmation or ratification of the truth.¹

Here’s my take on it: Affirmation is saying what is true and kind without a critical “but.” It’s speaking the truth in love.

Flattery is stretching the truth. “You’re so good that you make everyone else look bad!”

Criticism is a truth that is negative. “You should have taken more time with this project, and now it’s a mess.”

But consider affirmation. There is always something to be recognized, something that says “you matter” and “you are important.”

“You did a remarkable job locating all the quotes.”

“Your birthday says to me that God had a purpose for you to be here today.”

“How is your little girl? I remember how well-behaved she is for a four-year-old.”

Affirmation is a salve in a wounding, critical world. It creates a welcoming atmosphere and sets you up to have a better reception for whatever communication will be taking place.

I didn’t naturally realize this, and I certainly wasn’t born with the inclination to affirm. But over the years I noticed things. And I learned.

For example, I met a friend, who I’ll call Joe, who rocked my world on interpersonal communications. The first time I met him was at the offices of Arbitron (now Nielsen Audio), a company that measures radio ratings. As I walked into the room, he turned around in his chair, got up, and walked across the room, making eye contact to greet me. He extended his hand and said, “It’s so good to meet you. I’ve heard great things about you.”

Twenty years later, it’s the same. He is unfailingly affirming. More interested in talking about me and my world. He asks me to go first in conversations. In those twenty years, we’ve talked probably a thousand times. I feel better, more affirmed after each conversation, even when the discussion is about bad news.

Another thing I noticed over time was that there were differences among radio programming consultants (which is what I am). There was a consultant who was outstanding at in-person communication yet struggled helping clients grow their impact with listeners. He had little trouble getting hired.

There was a different consultant who was harsh, dogmatic, and critical. When they used him, stations’ ratings would go up. He was one of the smartest radio folks I’ve ever known. But his autocratic “my way or the highway” style resulted in fewer and fewer folks hiring him to help.

Bottom line: the first of the two—the affirming, less effective consultant—was the one getting hired!

I’ve found that there are plenty of critical people in many businesses, including radio. They are likely “right” and direct, but ungracious in how they deliver the news.

It’s the guy who is obsessed with making a change and harshly says so whenever possible—whether it’s at 2:00 p.m. or 2:00 a.m. Perhaps it’s a whisper in the ear that tears down a child, a team member, or a spouse.

This raises a very important question: can critical people make a comeback once they realize that kindness counts?

I think the answer is yes.

Just think about young parents, struggling to raise unruly children—they haven’t done this before! Maybe they’re yelling too much. But they come to realize that coaching works better than yelling. They make changes to their methods, and coaching becomes their default.

Once we realize that we need to work on this area, there are many books and guides that can help us set new habits.

One habit that helps me to affirm people is remembering specific life details. For example, when my two daughters were younger, I was vague in my conversations with them about what was going on at school. It wasn’t that I wasn’t interested, but I hadn’t prioritized knowing when they were in which class. I knew that Catherine was in ballet and that she was now dancing on pointe, but I didn’t know which days/times her ballet class was. I put their school schedules on my calendar. Now I knew. I had always cared—and now I sounded like I cared.

We usually do care—we just have jammed memories. The question we face is how to do all this remembering in our busy lives. How can we recall the details of our friends and work associates? For me, it’s my calendar or my notes section in my phone contacts. I put important things to remember about people right where I can see it when I’m about to reach out.

In 2018, the Finney Media Why Listen?® survey found that 81 percent of Christian radio listeners indicated they were very likely or somewhat likely to turn off or tune out a radio station or program that has a negative, angry, or judgmental tone. That’s the opposite of affirmation, with statistical evidence of its effect!

Recently, in a group meeting I was in at a Christian radio station, the team was involved in an exercise that would help mirror Christian values on the radio. I asked each person at the meeting to think about a difficult person in their life. Once they had that person in mind, I asked them to think of something that was true and kind—that is, affirming—about that person. We then asked each person to say out loud what truth they had thought of, with no “but” statement after it.

I knew one of our friends in the meeting had been through a difficult divorce, and I suspected correctly that he was thinking about his ex-wife. When it was his turn, he said of his ex, with tears of joy: “My daughters would not be the Godly women they are without her.”

Now that’s affirmation!

Making it Personal

• Do you have a way to keep track of what’s important about people in your life?
• Who have you affirmed today?

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For more help with the vital yet everyday tool of communication, download the e-book or paperback of the book WISDOM FOR EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION: THE LITTLE BOOK OF BIG IDEAS.

Tim Keller, eminent preacher, author, thinker and communicator writes this:

“It is fundamental to preach biblically and to preach to cultural narratives but these are not enough. Unless the truth is not only clear but also real to listeners, then people will still fail to obey it. Preaching cannot simply be accurate and sound. It must capture the listeners’ interest and imaginations; it must be compelling and penetrate to their hearts.”

When we read this chapter opener in Tim Keller’s book Preaching, the whole of Christian formatted media rolls through our minds with the spectrum of views about what to put on air now, how to present the Gospel in our troubled times and how to relate Scriptural truth.

Some would suggest emotionally compelling material with little to no Biblical content; these face those who call for clear information that targets the head and systematically reviews the whole of Scripture. What is striking is that Tim Keller clearly thinks that both are required for genuine change in a life. He has a great point.

The challenge goes even further. When Keller or others preach, they have a near-captive audience. Or, they did until the recent need for digital church. Rarely do people get up and wander out of a church service, especially with today’s nurseries and padded seats. Here, the listener made a choice to go to the church service. The preacher’s competition may be distracted looking around at other people, or dozing. But, it’s not walking out. Digital tracking changed all that, of course, for a time.

But it’s always been so for radio and other electronic forms where the competition for attention is much more intense.  The listener may be driving, in a car with heavy traffic, with children, or in a hurry to get somewhere.  It’s very easy to turn off the radio or change channels, switch to a digital stream. With presets, flipping channels is an art-form.  The media distraction literally knows no bounds.

This takes us back to KELLER’S point. Head and heart are both needed. He says, “Change happens not just by giving the mind new arguments but by feeding the imagination new beauties.”

With a heart connection, the mind inclines toward action, raising the batting average in a challenging communication environment. No matter where you (now) are on the content spectrum, no matter what you are working to communicate, that’s worthy of your consideration.

You have important things to get across! Here’s how to be more impactful with a story that connects.

Another week managing changed circumstances. Another program to speak into for listeners or viewers growing weary of limitation. You know story is critical as it creates an emotional bond with those in range of your voice. But, how you ask? How can I be confident of a story I want to use? How do I know it will connect with my team or my viewers? How do I know when they will lean in—not turn away—or worse yet, yawn?

Here’s a process that should be able to guide you to select stories that your team or listener or viewer will want to hear.

Here’s the first important key.

Make sure you are passionate about and interested in your story. If you’re telling a story you’re not interested in, it’ll show. You’ve seen it . . . someone reading a story from a script they’re not interested in. They sound flat. If the storyteller doesn’t sound emotionally engaged, you really can’t expect the listener to be. This is not something easily faked.

Now, the second crucial key to effectiveness.

Make sure your story is one your listener will be interested in and passionate about too. This is often what gets overlooked. We just automatically assume others are interested in what we’re interested in! They may be. They may not be.

Think about the college football movie Rudy. This is an underdog story about an undersized football player with an oversized desire to play college American football for Notre Dame. Rudy fights his way onto the team and ultimately . . . well, watch the movie sometime.

One man was quoted about the movie . . . “’Rudy’ inspired me to go back to university and finish. Graduating in July. Thanks, Rudy.”

If you’re an American, you’re more likely to love Rudy.

If you’re an American football fan, you’re even more likely to love Rudy.

If you’re a Notre Dame football fan, you’re even more likely to love Rudy.

The point here is that it’s crucial you are passionate about and interested in your story. And, it’s crucial your listener is also passionate about and interested in your story.

What to do? Here’s a simple process.

1. Imagine yourself in the head, heart and understanding of the listener. One of the amazing things that God has given all of us is the gift of pausing, praying, thinking. And, trying to put ourselves in the head, heart and soul of another person. If you don’t have peace about a story, pick a different one!
2. And, try to take the time to test your story idea on several people. Here’s a simple way to do that:
   1. Make a list of three to four people available you can speak with.
   2. Ask each to imagine themselves in the situation where you will be telling your story—the mindset of a manager or the mindset of a mom in her 40’s who might be hearing your story.
   3. Give them two or three story ideas and ask them to rate each one on a scale of one to five, low to high interest.
   4. Write down everyone’s responses and tabulate.
   5. Use only those stories that rate at a three or higher.

With a little planning, you can figure out if your listener is likely interested and passionate about the story you’re interested in.  And, especially in our conflicted times, you can communicate with increased clarity!